Noell Hammer-Burns Founder of Just Listen and the Art Without Boundaries Association
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Welcome to my world! "Be who you are and say what feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind!" Dr. Seuss
I am first and foremost a daughter of the King! But it wasn't until 7 years ago, that I began to believe I was worthy of the title, straighten my crown and started acting like it. So here is my story, warts and all. We Boomers were the first gen of kids raised on Cheerios and TV. Being a Type 7 (see: Understanding Enneagrams on the home page) I was a romantic and pretty much lived in a movie-generated fantasy world. I thought my prince charming would ride in and sweep me off my feet. |
So it wasn't too surprising to anyone, when I got engaged while teaching in Hawaii and was married two months later. What was surprising was that the marriage lasted forty years. Before you raise a halleluia, something else that also lasted 40 years was keeping his secret: he was gay, I was his cover story and as I found out later (thanks Facebook) he was also a covert narcissist. After 40 years of being emotionally abused, gaslighted (see resource links on narcissism) and had my self-esteem ground to a powder, he left me for a 25 year man/boy. Hold on, it gets worse.
Being desparately afraid of being alone, I started online dating even before the divorce was final. I fell madly in love with my "soul mate" and married him just 6 months after the ink was dried. Have you already guessed it? My soul mate was a covert narcissist and promptly moved his mother in for me to take care of them both. The year before he died in an accident, he had four surgeries, was in the hospital 6 times and his mother had a heart attack, a triple bypass and was in the hospital 3 more times after that. After his death, I found out from his son that he had lied to me about... well, just about everything.
I wish I could end the story here, have the music swell as I stand in the sunset, fist raised, crying, "I will never make this mistake again!"
But no. I dusted off my profile and like I was shopping for a car, found another one. Hmmm, high mileage, but the tires still have some tread. I resumed my role as caregiver and ended up nursing him through cancer. He died a week after our second anniversary.
So why did I tell you that long, sorry story? There is a happy ending. I woke up. I went on a quest to find out WHY I do what I do. It's taken 5 years, but for the first time in my life, I'm emotionally healthy and happy. I have dated an emotionally healthy guy for nearly a year and we don't plan on getting married anytime soon.
It's been a long and winding road, but I have boiled my journey to Oz down to a therapeutic and Biblically based process that anyone can do over the phone or Zoom.
I call it Transformative Renewal from Romans 12: 2:
And do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
Partner with God's Spirit in finding what's casting your shadow. Once and for all deal with chronic anger, anxiety and fear. Learn how to forgive and unstick yourself out of grief, even if it's been years. Tear down the strongholds the enemy has kept hidden from you.
Want to book a free session? Click here
We're Not in Kansas Anymore
Want to purchase the Online Study? Click here.
Being desparately afraid of being alone, I started online dating even before the divorce was final. I fell madly in love with my "soul mate" and married him just 6 months after the ink was dried. Have you already guessed it? My soul mate was a covert narcissist and promptly moved his mother in for me to take care of them both. The year before he died in an accident, he had four surgeries, was in the hospital 6 times and his mother had a heart attack, a triple bypass and was in the hospital 3 more times after that. After his death, I found out from his son that he had lied to me about... well, just about everything.
I wish I could end the story here, have the music swell as I stand in the sunset, fist raised, crying, "I will never make this mistake again!"
But no. I dusted off my profile and like I was shopping for a car, found another one. Hmmm, high mileage, but the tires still have some tread. I resumed my role as caregiver and ended up nursing him through cancer. He died a week after our second anniversary.
So why did I tell you that long, sorry story? There is a happy ending. I woke up. I went on a quest to find out WHY I do what I do. It's taken 5 years, but for the first time in my life, I'm emotionally healthy and happy. I have dated an emotionally healthy guy for nearly a year and we don't plan on getting married anytime soon.
It's been a long and winding road, but I have boiled my journey to Oz down to a therapeutic and Biblically based process that anyone can do over the phone or Zoom.
I call it Transformative Renewal from Romans 12: 2:
And do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
Partner with God's Spirit in finding what's casting your shadow. Once and for all deal with chronic anger, anxiety and fear. Learn how to forgive and unstick yourself out of grief, even if it's been years. Tear down the strongholds the enemy has kept hidden from you.
Want to book a free session? Click here
We're Not in Kansas Anymore
Want to purchase the Online Study? Click here.